Misunderstanding what’s being said (or having different definitions in our heads) is something that happens all the time, in both your work and personal life. Not being on the same page as each other can be a real productivity blocker.
This week I’m sharing how to spot this issue and how to fix it so you can spend less time repeating yourself and more time fast-tracking your way to results.
Keep reading for some entertaining slang, too.
We think we understand each other, but our definitions don’t always match.
This is especially true when you are leading diverse teams that have different cultural backgrounds. We’ve all heard a phrase that someone from a different country or culture has used and were either really confused, very amused, or possibly offended!
I’m half American, half South African and have lived in the US, UK, South Africa, and Australia. I’ve heard my fair share of phrases that have different interpretations from culture to culture. In some cases, it can seem to make no sense at all!
Here are some of my favourites:
“Chucking a sickie” - not as gross as it sounds.
“Having a sticky beak” - nothing to do with maple syrup or birds
“We’re not playing for sheep stations” - I laughed out loud when I first heard this one during a tennis match
“Chuffed to bits” - less abrasive than I first thought
“Let's have a chinwag over a cuppa” - I think this one is obvious but I think it’s so charming and you would never catch an American using such a posh phrase
“We had a lekker day” - IYKYK
“Just Now” or “Now Now” - don’t get me started on this one, it’s a favourite running joke with my family
Ok, now let’s translate this into typical business speak. Here are some examples of phrases that might be interpreted differently, leading to potential misunderstandings and bad results (click to see full chart in email client):
It’s a dangerous trap to assume your team, colleague or friend will have the same definition of a phrase or a word as you do 100% of the time.
Take, for example, one of Amazon's core leadership principles: Have Backbone; Disagree and Commit. Many people at Amazon would often misinterpret this principle because they did not read the full definition. They thought it meant “commit to disagreeing”; basically, always stand firm in your disagreement!
This often made me laugh when I discovered they interpreted it incorrectly and it helped explain a LOT of their past behaviour.
What it really means is: Leaders should respectfully challenge decisions when they disagree (even when it’s uncomfortable), but once the decision is made, they should commit to it wholeheartedly.
That’s a pretty big difference.
You can imagine how confusing and frustrating it must have been working with someone that thought they were doing the right thing but being really stubborn in their disagreement.
All because they didn’t understand the nuance of the phrase.
I had this happen to me last week in my tennis lesson.
For the past few years(!), my coach would tell me to “loosen my wrist” for my forehand stroke. For ages, I thought she only meant to loosen my grip on the racket.
That technique wasn’t working so I asked her a probing question: “What do you actually mean by that?
Can you show me?”
What she was actually saying was to loosen my wrist joint so it would bend back during the backswing, rather than staying stiff and straight. One tiny clarification from me made all the difference in the world and totally changed my form. I wish I could say that my forehand is now Nadal-level but alas, it is not and I will likely stay a professional amateur.
It was such a simple thing, but it took asking the right question to finally understand and have that “AHA!” moment.
Just like in team leadership, what I thought was a simple instruction turned out to be completely misinterpreted because we weren’t on the same page.
If you are frequently getting frustrated because you:
- Have to repeat yourself,
- Your team isn’t delivering the right results,
- Or you are feeling patronised by your manager because they are “dumbing-down” their message,
chances are there is lingering misinterpretation happening.
To clear it up, do this:
Ask Questions When You’re Unsure
If you’re not clear about something, whether it’s a leadership principle, a coaching tip, or just a simple instruction, ask! Don’t assume you know what someone means.Align on Meaning
When working with teams, it’s essential to ensure that everyone is aligned on what a principle or goal means. Just like with Have Backbone; Disagree and Commit, taking the time to check that everyone is interpreting the message the same way can save time and prevent frustration down the road. The phrase “Does that make sense?” is really helpful to double-click that they are on the same page.
Nods Aren’t Enough
Get the person to repeat back to you what they heard and what the actions are. This is the most powerful tool. People process information in different ways and at different speeds. The repeat-back method allows for this variability in processing styles. Tip: Do not show frustration when they don’t repeat back the instruction correctly. Take is as a learning for you to communicate differently next time.
TL;DR:
Becoming proficent in clear and effective communication requires 1) probing questions, 2) active listening, and the 3) patience and intellect to communicate in different methods and styles until you are all on the same page.
Aussies have awesome slang.
My tennis game will always be a source of equal frustration and happiness.
Until next time!
Angela
P.S. Drop me a comment if you read this far and tell me your favourite tennis player of all time.