The Myth of Work/Life Balance (and What Actually Works Instead)
There are a lot of things written on this subject but these are the ways I managed my sanity working in big tech for 16 years.
The truth is there is no such thing as the perfect “balance” between work and life. And, you’re not going to feel like you’ve nailed it every day, and that’s okay. But, hopefully you can achieve more harmony so you don’t go out in a ball of flames and destroy your marriage and friendships in the process.
OK, OK, maybe that was a bit dramatic but I definitely know my husband was tired of me always working and definitely tired of hearing me complain how I “had” to work so much. I was tired of hearing myself too!
I’m going to quote Jeff B. here:
“This idea of work-life 'balance' is a debilitating phrase because it implies there’s a strict trade-off. Instead, it’s really a circle. It's about work-life harmony—where both energize each other.”
After working in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of Amazon for 16+ years (across 3 continents, leading large teams and launching businesses), I had to learn how to manage my energy and sanity so I didn’t burn out.
So I got curious and did some research: I read some books, spoke with my mentors and coach, and experimented with techniques on how I could feel more at peace with the amount I was working and the amount I was enjoying life outside of work too.
These are the tactical things that worked for me—and the ones I now share with my coaching clients when they feel like they’re drowning:
🗓 1. Use Your Calendar Like a Personal Assistant
If it’s not scheduled, it doesn’t happen.
I fiercely protected my time by blocking out my “leave the office” time each day with a recurring calendar meeting titled: “Leave now for the bus.”
Sure, people tried to schedule over it. I usually didn’t let them. If you are working with teams across multiple time zones, don’t feel like you are always the one that has to have the super early or super early meeting. Take turns with other countries and leaders to meet outside of your local working hours.
I also blocked off the first 90-mins of my day so that I could have that time to actually do work. There were a few exceptions to this rule like standing weekly business reviews but outside of that people had to find other slots to book me.
What is crazy about not being always available is that people start to use you more wisely. They plan better for when you need to be there which makes it easier for you not to always feel rammed with work that keeps piling up. The other benefit is that they will be really choiceful if they need you to progress something. This gives them more autonomy and builds a stronger team underneath and around you.
Remember, if you don’t protect your time, no one else will.
⏳ 2. Understanding Diminishing Returns
Just because you're working longer doesn’t mean you’re working smarter.
At a certain point, your output flatlines or even declines. If you find yourself working constantly with no breaks you are probably doing a lot of work that isn’t really impactful. We need time to reset, take a step back and make sure we are seeing things from multiple perspectives. You can’t do that if you are working 24/7. Instead, do this:
✅ Step away from your desk for lunch.
✅ Go for a walk.
✅ Look up, breathe, and come back with fresh eyes.
Taking breaks isn’t luxury, it’s strategy.
✅ 3. The “Three Things” Rule
Each morning, write down just 3 things you’re going to accomplish that day. No more. Just 3. By limiting yourself to figuring out what those 3 things are, you will focus on doing the work that actually matters. Set yourself 1 hour on one day a week to do the small admin stuff that doesn’t ever make your daily list. What I found was that after a while of de-prioritising those small tasks, they actually didn’t need to get done; I was just creating “filler” work for myself because I was procrastinating doing the Big Rocks work.
If your to-do list is 17 items long, chances are you’re either doing: a) low-impact admin work, or b) setting yourself up to feel like you’re never done.
Focus on the big rocks, not the sand. (If you know the jar metaphor, you know what I mean.) I love the way Sridhar M. explains this concept.
🌴 4. USE. YOUR. VACATION. DAYS.
There is no badge of honour for hoarding your annual leave. Seriously.
Even if you’re not traveling, take the time to rest, reset, and connect with life outside of work.
Research shows that employees who take their paid time off are 25–30% more productive and engaged than those who don’t.
(And your company benefits, too with better retention and fewer burnout-related costs.)
If your company offers sabbaticals or long-service leave, please take advantage of it. It was one of the best things that I did for myself and my professional career.
🙋♀️ 5. Be Strategic With What You Say “Yes” To
If you’re working 12–14 hour days constantly, ask yourself:
Have I taken on too much?
Have I told my manager I’m overloaded?
Or… am I just not working efficiently?
Often, when someone on my team was burning the midnight oil, we’d have a discussion about it and 9 times out of 10, they were doing more than what was actually needed.
Or they just didn’t know there was a shortcut, a tool, or even permission to do it to 80%.
(See my post on the power of 80% completion—it’s a game-changer.)
If you need help or clarity just ask. It’s not a weakness. It’s leadership. Many times people just grind away at work and don't ask for help because they think it makes them look like an underperformer. Asking for help shows leadership and that you value your personal life too.
⚡️ Bonus Tips (That Work for Some, Might Work for You):
Don’t put work email on your personal phone.
Set Slack, Chime, Teams to “Do Not Disturb” after hours.
Don’t check email first thing out of bed. Wait until you’re on your commute or actually at work to start working.
Set communication boundaries, and stick to them. If your team sees you replying at midnight, they’ll feel pressure to do the same.
TL;DR:
You’re not going to achieve “perfect balance.”
But you can create harmony between work and life.
You can protect your energy and still be ambitious.
You can grow your career and still take that damn vacation!
And the best leaders I’ve worked with know this: when you take care of yourself, your team, and your time—everything works better.
Want help building better boundaries and a more fulfilling career path? This is the work I love. Let’s chat.